1:22 PM Marcie Parson 1 Comments
11:19 AM Marcie Parson 0 Comments
It was a blast. I absolutely love getting to see my family. We stayed with Jennie's family and got to spend time with Steve and Melissa after work. They took us to eat the world's best ice cream (Braum's) and some delicious tacos (Torchy's). Max was an angel all week and loved [getting smothered by] his cousins. He actually slept 10 hours a night there, which I take as a sign we need to move to Texas because he does not sleep that long for me in Phoenix!
We really loved the feeling of Texas. Who knows? Maybe you'll see us there in 2016.
12:28 PM Marcie Parson 0 Comments
He is the happiest little babe, and I'm so glad he's mine.
Motherhood (and why it makes me cry)
3:13 PM Marcie Parson 0 Comments
Well it took me about a month but I am completely, entirely in LOVE with this new life. I love being a mom. I love being at home with Max. I feel like I'm still winging it every day, but I'm okay with that. There is something absolutely magical about motherhood.
I wish I could shout from the rooftops how wonderful it is, how it changes you, but I get stuck every time I try to put it into words. I can never quite figure out how to describe the feeling and do it justice.
When I was pregnant I read and re-read a talk by Sheri Dew called "Are We Not All Mothers?" In it she describes why all women are inherently mothers. It calmed my utterly terrified heart and gave me hope that I would be able to be a mother. I read it again today and realized that it partly describes what I have been feeling. She says:
"Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.
"...As mothers in Israel, we are the Lord’s secret weapon. Our influence comes from a divine endowment that has been in place from the beginning. In the premortal world, when our Father described our role, I wonder if we didn’t stand in wide-eyed wonder that He would bless us with a sacred trust so central to His plan and that He would endow us with gifts so vital to the loving and leading of His children. I wonder if we shouted for joy at least in part because of the ennobling stature He gave us in His kingdom. The world won’t tell you that, but the Spirit will."
Yes! I believe that with my whole heart. Not only was I prepared for this, but this is who I was meant to become! I have never been so proud to be a woman. When I look back on everything I've accomplished this past year, I honestly feel like superwoman. Motherhood is incredible. Women are incredible. And whenever I look at baby Max, I DO stand in wide-eyed wonder that my Heavenly Father would bless me with the sacred trust of raising and loving and leading this sweet boy. I love him so much it hurts. And I cry about it. Often.
Motherhood has changed me -- and it's only been two months. It may sound sappy, but life makes so much more sense. This is happiness. This is the plan! This is what God wants for us. My heart is so full and I can't even imagine how it will feel when Max grows up. God is so good, always.
Max is blessed
4:39 PM Marcie Parson 1 Comments
We decided to bless Max while we are in Utah since we really wanted to have family attend, and in Phoenix it would have been a ghost town. On the other hand, it felt weird to do it in another ward where no one would know who we are. So we decided to do it at Craig's parents' home in Cedar City. I didn't even know that was possible, but I'm sure glad someone told us! It was intimate and perfect. Three of Craig's siblings and their families, his parents, my parents, and my grandparents were all there to support us.
Craig gave a beautiful blessing and I was able to successfully record and transcribe a copy. I'm a big-time journaler/record-keeper, so I'm really excited it worked out. Max is definitely a special boy, and as I look at him as he naps I know with more certainty that he is meant to be something incredible. I can't wait to get to know this little guy. Babies are amazing.
5:02 PM Marcie Parson 1 Comments
My mom flew in the day after my delivery and stayed for two weeks. In that two weeks I think I had an emotional breakdown every other day. I was certain that despite what everyone said, it was not going to "get better." Thankfully, it did. It took what seemed like an eternity and was painfully slow (emphasis on the painfully), but it got better nonetheless.
It's still a hard adjustment. As the kind of person that needs a solid 8 hours of sleep to function, I feel incapable of adapting to permanent parental exhaustion. Working my schedule around a tiny person whose own schedule is TBD is embarrassingly challenging for my "planner personality." I get anxiety when I have to leave the house because I don't want to be stranded somewhere when he's crying or hungry (definitely haven't mastered nursing in private let alone public). I've always loathed packing, and now that I have to pack 20 times as much, I'm a wreck whenever we stay somewhere for an extended period of time (what if I forget something important like a pacifier? Yes, it's happened already).
I blame my perfectionist personality, because I feel like I'm doing everything all wrong, and I'm paralyzed with fear of embarrassment from messing up! But the truth is, I'm just doing everything for the first time! Of course it's scary and hard; it's completely new. I have so much to learn that it seems overwhelming sometimes, and the biggest lesson of all is to let myself be okay with imperfection. I will forever be bitter towards anyone who says being a mom is easy.
Luckily for Max, he won't remember the days when I clearly had no idea what I was doing and his grandma had to do everything for him. I hope that one day he can appreciate how lucky he is to have my mom as his grandma. She truly is incredible, and I know I could not have done this without her. These past few weeks she has taken care of not only me, but also my Max. And yes, I'm terrified to leave her in a week and a half and try to do it on my own.
Although motherhood hasn't felt exactly natural for me, loving Max has! Sure, I don't know everything, but I do know how to love him. Max is teaching me SO much already. I feel unworthy to be his mother, but boy am I glad I have the blessing of taking care of him. I love this sweet, sweet boy.
Two weeks with Max
12:54 PM Marcie Parson 2 Comments
Then he was circumcised. Then he had to get his one week blood tests. The poor kid was poked too many times in one week, and it was so hard for me! He is too little for so much trauma! And let me tell you, it was definitely traumatic. For everyone.
Despite the initial trauma, he really has been a good baby. He eats, plays, gets the hiccups, sneezes them away, and goes to sleep. Over and over and over again. He smiles in his sleep like it's his job. He is the cuddliest, sweetest boy. He loves to curl up in a tiny little ball, and when he does, his fuzzy head makes him look like a hedgehog (think croquet in Alice in Wonderland or Sonic).
Probably my favorite thing about having a baby is watching Craig obsess over him. BIG time. I guarantee you that he hasn't said the word "cute" so many times in his lifetime. In fact, he probably said "cute" more times in Max's first day of life than he said it in his entire lifetime. He makes up songs for him, smothers him with kisses, forces him to dance, and flies him around the house like Peter Pan. He was born to be a dad.
And now for a slew of pictures because I can't narrow it down because his little face changes so much so quickly!
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