Motherhood (and why it makes me cry)

3:13 PM Marcie Parson 0 Comments

For the first two weeks of Max's life, my mom was by my side helping me keep it together. Then, for the next three weeks, we followed her to St. George where she continued to hold my hand through it all and where we were surrounded by family. Then, we came back to Arizona and began life as a family of three. I was terrified that I would be overwhelmed and lonely trying to do it all by myself.

Well it took me about a month but I am completely, entirely in LOVE with this new life. I love being a mom. I love being at home with Max. I feel like I'm still winging it every day, but I'm okay with that. There is something absolutely magical about motherhood.

I wish I could shout from the rooftops how wonderful it is, how it changes you, but I get stuck every time I try to put it into words. I can never quite figure out how to describe the feeling and do it justice. 

When I was pregnant I read and re-read a talk by Sheri Dew called "Are We Not All Mothers?" In it she describes why all women are inherently mothers. It calmed my utterly terrified heart and gave me hope that I would be able to be a mother. I read it again today and realized that it partly describes what I have been feeling. She says:

"Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.
"...As mothers in Israel, we are the Lord’s secret weapon. Our influence comes from a divine endowment that has been in place from the beginning. In the premortal world, when our Father described our role, I wonder if we didn’t stand in wide-eyed wonder that He would bless us with a sacred trust so central to His plan and that He would endow us with gifts so vital to the loving and leading of His children. I wonder if we shouted for joy at least in part because of the ennobling stature He gave us in His kingdom. The world won’t tell you that, but the Spirit will."

Yes! I believe that with my whole heart. Not only was I prepared for this, but this is who I was meant to become! I have never been so proud to be a woman. When I look back on everything I've accomplished this past year, I honestly feel like superwoman. Motherhood is incredible. Women are incredible. And whenever I look at baby Max, I DO stand in wide-eyed wonder that my Heavenly Father would bless me with the sacred trust of raising and loving and leading this sweet boy. I love him so much it hurts. And I cry about it. Often.

Motherhood has changed me -- and it's only been two months. It may sound sappy, but life makes so much more sense. This is happiness. This is the plan! This is what God wants for us. My heart is so full and I can't even imagine how it will feel when Max grows up. God is so good, always.